Here’s my silver lining right here! *grabs crotch*

So something bad happens, what do you do?

Experts say you need to look at the ‘silver lining’. That’s an interesting phrase, the ‘silver lining’.
To look at the silver lining means to take the good out of a bad situation. The actual phrase refers to the silver lining you can see on storm clouds.

I have a question for these experts. How the fuck is a little bit of silver on a storm cloud a good thing!? That’s like seeing a murderer walk into your home and saying “He is wearing some damn fine shoes.” What is WRONG with these people?
That’s like getting tortured and commenting on how nice the killers hair looks, or how pretty his knife is. I hardly see how pointing out the bad things’ nice bits is taking the good out of a bad situation.

Anyway, here’s how to take the good out of a bad situation. Look at Helen Keller. That’s my new phrase.
“What’s wrong Timmy?”
“A pony bit my eyelids off.”
“Oh that’s terrible! But hey, look at Helen Keller”.

To look at Helen Keller means to look at how bad things COULD be.
“Hey, the bank is taking my house away.”
“That’s terrible! But hey, a pony could bite your eyelids off.”
“Hey yeah, you’re right! I feel much better!”

It works in any situation. Take this scene from Fight Club (I’ll paraphrase):
“It could be worse.”
“How so?”
“A woman could chop off your penis while you sleep and toss it out the window of a moving car.”
“There’s always that.”

Try this one on for size!
“Ah man, turns out I can’t have children.”
“Well, a busload of orphans could crash into your face.”
“Hey yeah! I totally forgot that could happen at any time!”

Eventually you’ll start taking care of it yourself.
“I’m sorry, Mister Wolfgang-”
“Doctor.”
“Doctor Wolfgang,-”
“That’s MR Doctor Wolfgang to you.”
“… Mr Doctor Wolfgang, I’m sorry. You have cancer.”
“Hey, it could be worse. I could have cancer on my AIDS!”

Have fun with it!
“Aww man you ran over my dog!”
“At least you weren’t having sex with it.”
“Oh my God, I’d be dead too! You practically SAVED MY LIFE!”

Catchya kids.